crackedwings

Cracked Wings

2007-05-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

I've begun writing again. Well not now, but a few days ago. Somehow I feel really inspired. Maybe it's because the mid-years are over or something. I'm writing faster than I ever wrote before. Most probably my own intuition wanted me to reach where I last left of as quicklt as I can.

Well the story this time isn't based on an old world anymore. In fact its based on mordern day Singapore. Well, I don't really want to reveal much, so when the time come, I will put it on the site, if the legal terms says its ok.

Somehow, I still want to be a writer...

Mitch King the Writer Signning off~
If this is "like", I wonder how much more "love" is...

Cracked Wings

2007-05-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

Worry, part of my life which exist. Well, today I had gotten back my papers. Genius some may say, but it's not because of me, I feel. I should be happy, but I'm not happy at all.

The mysteries that God has in stored for us.... I don't know what to say about it.

But I know I did not do well just by my strength alone. I feel robbed off my passion for scoring good marks. I feel burned with the mark that I didn't deserve what I had. How should I put it?

I passed with flying colors as many would say. Three As, a B and a failing grade for maths. But then she said she failed her subjects. Which strucked me as something that just couldn't be right.

I feel like a selfish fool. Robbing her off her will to study even if it was just the night before. How all I wanted was to talk to her and ask for her presense. I feel like I made her fail. With the thoughts of me.

What are the chances of that? Is the question I usually ask myself when things are getting too good to be true. But she failed, and what could explain it?

She's a good girl, I'm convinced. With her helped I passed. Why is it her prayers were answered and mine weren't. As if my prayers were cursed.

Yea, I did well. But I expected her to do better.

I don't know how many papers she got back or how badly she actually failed or how she is feeling right now. What I know is I should not have talked to her. Should have isolated myself from her. Should not have prayed for her.

What do I do now?

Mitch King signning off~
There are worse prisons than words...

Cracked Wings

2007-05-11T22:00:00.000+08:00

Today it was the first time I felt what had made me what I am today, betray me. The feeling which haunts me but have always been helping me.

"Worry."

I knew that it was not good for me. That one day it would bring me down. But what I'd experienced today was something I had never felt before. The feeling of all my worries stored inside me, just rushing through my body, wanting to escape.

I had been sick for a few months now. Starting from Lent. Yea, Lent is a period when we mustn't pull long faces when we're suffering. But, I can't lie that life had been extremely stressful. I don't blame God or the servers. I don't wish to blame anyone. But my body knows its limits. And just today... it's just unexplainable....

Everything just wanted to rush out of my body, intense numbness all over the body. As if the my body was trying its best to contain what was inside of me. Those kind of feelings. It's like I had no control and I broke down.

Completely unexplainable.

I guess the exams had been a tough one on me. Though I may not look worried or I may seem to know it all. Worry still exist in me.

Thank god I lasted till the end of the exam....

Kind of feels like Ichigo or Naruto. But really, really intense.... I don't want that kind of rush to happen again.

Mitch King Signning Off~
Not feeling well... not feeling well at all....

Cracked Wings

2007-05-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yea, I can't trust people, so? It's kind of an inborn thing. A trait from both my mum and my dad. Well, most of it is from my dad. Amazingly my brother seem to trust people alot. Maybe he took it all away from me.

It's true I cant seem to trust.

I live a difficult life anyway. It's hard to trust people if you're in my shoes really. There's just so many backstabbing people in the world that I feel like there is no point trusting people. The only person or being I trust is God. It just makes things much simpler.

And what you mean you never imagined eating Macs with me? Lol

If you wanna eat macs just ask. But yea, I dont like introducing people to my life. It's troublesome, and I just don't want to be betrayed again. Like I said, I live a difficult life. This blog had helped me alot, though I still find it hard to post my troubles away. Well I guess the reason why I don't have many friends is that I just don't want to be betrayed. Only friend those that I could trust. And those that somehow come my way with out my ownself doing.

Apparently, when I entered Secondary 1, I knew there would be no one I could trust. No one like my primary school friends who would always be there. I told myself from the start that I wouldn't make true friends with anyone. Cos, in St Pats, that's a fact.

But then people like, Michael, Amir, Dexter, Bisma. This people come my way without even asking. And yes, even though I make fun of them alot (Especially Michael), I'm really greatful to have them around.

But what are friends really?

I guess it's still something I have to explore. I just don't want to be betrayed, not now, not ever.

The pain is unbearable...

And being selfish.... well that just derives from being unable to trust.

Maybe it's because of the servers. And my entire life in the long run. I hate being used, and my entire life I had always been used. I don't know. It's just that everything I do, I never get any thanks or appreciation or anything. And I end up feeling used. As if I'm doing the things I do because I'm the only who could do it.

So I guess, I just don't want to give the chance of being used you know. Like I said, being in my shoes is not easy. I treat people like outcast, I can't trust people, I'm selfish. It's not because I want to. I just have to.

May God give me trust...

Mitch King Signning Off~
May the grace of our lord jesus Christ. The love and peace of God. And the fellowship of the holy spirit be with us now and forever.

Cracked Wings

2007-05-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

Well it's now officially minutes to midnight, not to be confused with Linkin Park's new album. If the date shown below or above is wrong it's exactly 11.54pm. Not much to blog about, half-way through the exams. Two more days to go and its freedom!!! Tomorrow is a holiday for us Normal Acadamic peeps *laughs at all the express people*. I think I'm just going to stay at home and slack.

I can say the only interesting things that had been happening so far is smsing her. Things seem to be improving once again, but i'm not surprised... it's always starting and stopping. Always moving a litttttle bit toooo slowwwly... Well she seem to sms more than usual and always at a constant high (the cute part about her), must be from the exam stress. Feeling all high and "on the bright side of life" must be one of those antidote used to cure exam stress.

For me... I couldn't care less.

But apparently I actually revised. But I didn't bother to read up my notes. I read through my textbook :) like any hopeless teenager will do. Apparently it helped alot (except for maths), it sortta unlocks all the stored information inside my head. Opening windows of oppurtunity.

Well I'm a little worried for her too... I think express can be really stressful. Thank god i'm not in there. I would give anything to get that kind of conversation with her again....haiz....

Besides, she wouldn't mind going out.... not something I had expected, especially with sorry old me... let's see what will happen next...

Mitch King signing off~
For the Mitch King! - By Charles, Nikesh and almost everyone else in the class...yes...Michael too...

Cracked Wings

2007-05-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

The finished version of the earlier song/poem if it turns out okay, post:
The chords are different, but their mighty simple. Yes. It's a song....finally...

I stayed all night thinking about you
Pondering with the pieces, of the things that are true
I'm confused,
Oh what's going on?
Oh what's going on?

If only I could proof to you, that my love is real
In the little things that make our dreams forfilled
You are so pretty
And I'm in love with you
And I'm in love with you

And when the wind blows, your greatness in the air
The smell I could remember, the touch of your hair
The fire of desire, burning in your eyes
Don't you think it would be nice?
If you would be my girl

Sometimes I may dream about, your arms around my chest
Feeling the warmth that comes within, put your head to rest
It's amazing,
The things that you do
The things that you do

I imagine when I'm down and out, I have you by my side
When I'm lonely and hopeless, in the darkness of the night
But it's all,
Not that real
It's not real at all

And when the wind blows, your greatness in the air
The smell I could remember, the touch of your hair
The fire of desire, burning in your eyes
Don't you think it would be nice?
If you would be my girl

Well I had always wanted to put together a heartfelt song, a cluster of feelings of which I had been feeling for a very long time. But then I realized, that the feelings I have now is much different from before. There is no one time the feeling is the same.

Because it is stronger.

There is no such thing as a heartfelt song, because the heart is always getting stronger. For a moment it may be great, the next, it may feel like I can do better. That is what songs are all about to me. Fun to write, full of meaning, great to play.

Mitch Signning Off~
Something great had happened because of something so simple...

Cracked Wings

2007-04-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it is harder to be loved than to love.
It's easier to love than be loved.

These words really struck me. Looking back from the beginning. Love was divine. I did not ask to love but I was given the love. What ever I do, is made real by God. Whatever good actions I make, they are all God's work. I did not do them by myself.

The spirit animates the flesh.

Even when things just seem like it couldn't be, trust in the lord. Because whatever happens is his will. No matter how much effort we put into the things we do.

Stuff which happened today had been really spirit forfilling.

How though my group seem to be so seperated, so unwilling to serve. They had all came down to the adoration room. One by one they came in. That really touched me. That they still believed in God. Even though they may not have been praying, they were quite. Something I did not expect from them. They knew who they were, they knew who God was.

Then came cat class. 1 Cor, Chapter 12 verse 4 - 7. That was spirit forfilling too. I think it would be hard to forget the message. How god had given us different gifts to serve him. How all our talents come from the same source which is the holy spirit.

Though the next three months I would be spending my time without her, I know it's god's will. Maybe she will learn something good in the things she's going to do. It is God's will not mine, and all I pray for is that she would live a good life.

I never expected to pray for my service attachment, but I actually did. I prayed that either she be the other person to go to MOE or just someone who is not a bad ass.

Of course, I prayed more that she would join, but so what...

3 months.

But it's not like I'm not going to talk to her anymore. God is trying to show her the way.

Mitch Signning Off~

Cracked Wings

2007-04-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

If you've noticed I've changed back to the old blogger template. I think it's good that I've changed it back. I mean, blogspot really belongs to blogspot. It's about time we start appreciating all of it again. Instead of goind about using blogskin or creating our own skin. I'm back to the basics again, and somehow I find templates given on blogspot to be nicer than alot of skins out there.

Well, I recently started writing again. My story that is. After it was abruptly destroyed when my computer crashed on Chinese New Year's Eve.

If you hadn't known, I had been in touch with a Singapore writer for quite a while now. A few years maybe? But he had been the source of my strength as a writer and I really appreciate that. He came to my school once. Tried to sell his book, obviously I bought it and I found it amuzing. Then by fate I guess, I saw his e-mail.

And so here I am, with his help I'd written 178 pages worth of story which can never be found again. Now I'm at my 22 page. Re-written. At first I didn't believe I could do it. But he told me that rewriting was good. In order to make the plot more interesting. And I think it is!

I can tell you writing is not easy, it's pretty hard to gain inspiration. I knew where my inspirations came from, but I couldn't pull myself to do everything all over again.

If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. Pray that I could write again, better this time. And that my stories will not dissapear at the foot of computer viruses.

Viruses can kill

Mitch Signing Off~

Cracked Wings

2007-04-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

I stayed up all night wondering,
Whether you love me or you just can't tell
The feeling that you feel inside
I never understood, how all these could
Come between the hearts of me and you
When the sun goes down

Sometimes you seem so dead, sometimes so sad
And all I have are instant messages
I can't tell how you really feel inside
Sometimes i say hi, without knowing why
I greeted you in the strangest time of day
in the night or the afternoon

At times you can be so busy, and I worry for you
Because I thought for once I could talk to you
But then I have to wait and wait somemore
Just to talk to you, five minutes long
You were the first, I wanted to impress
With the things I'd done for you

All I know is that my heart beats for you,
I think I broke every single law
when it comes to relationship
And I think for every law, of which I broke,
I would have broke it at least twice
Because you know I can't help myself

Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-04-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

In this world that we live in, people seem to hardly know about the end. No one seems to care about the beginning and the ending. People all over the world, are busy, working, taking care of their loved ones, making a nuisance of themselves. People are stealing money, murdering, preaching, lying and cheating. People are buying clothes, buying food, investing, washing their car and teaching. People these days live and die under the sight of God, doing all kinds of inhuman things in the day and night. Humans are destroying every gift of love, given by God in every moment of their lives. In the end we can say people these days seem to be blinded from the larger picture. The end is drawing near.

People have heard about these things, all human have. People have heard about how the world is to end, that the earth is changing and that it wouldn’t last long. People know about the climate change, in fact, people have been educated about these things. Educated about the poor, constantly being told ways to fix to problems. But the larger picture still stands. One may have spilled his cup of coffee on his newspaper on Tuesday morning and by afternoon only a stain will be left behind. That part of which coffee had been spilled will be rendered unreadable. But it is still a newspaper. Even if it were to be crushed or cut into pieces, it is still newspaper. And so with this theory, the end, though man tries to change it, will still happen. Though we could make the time of which we are still alive longer, the end is still our destiny.

One can make a painting as ugly or as beautiful as he wants. But as long as paint is used, it is a painting. But here is where it gets interesting, when water is added, or something of which can dissolve the paint, the painting is different. Could there be a way to completely remove the larger picture, some people ask, people of which still have the gift of telling when the end was coming. Could there be a way to change the painting to a drawing maybe. Is there a way to change a painting completely into something else even though people already knew what it was?
There is one way, like changing the subatomic particles of an atom, or adding a proton to an element so that it becomes a completely different element. There is a way to change the picture to something different from within the picture itself. Simply by telling a different story.

Many people such as Dan Brown have tried to do this. Telling real fact in a different point of view. And the resultant is that people begin to notice more and more about the end. The world has imploded itself. People say people who try to change facts are blasphemers, but aren’t the people who say so, blasphemers too? With the way of life they live.

As Jesus had said before, anyone who has never sinned before can throw the first stone. None of us can do that, but we continue to lie to ourselves, trying to proof ourselves better than God and forgetting the bigger picture, God is looking at us, he knows what we are doing and on the last day, the people who plan against God will be thrown into hell.

Think about all that for a moment. Us, men are naked before God; he could see us from heaven above. If he could not see us most probably there wouldn’t be the world to begin with.

Mitch Signning Off~

Cracked Wings

2007-04-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

Today was the most suay day -.-

Not exactly suay lah but this is what happened....

Woke up, usual time, which is 7.05, yes, I take 5 minutes to get out of bed. Brush teeth, had breakfast. Set off for school. School was okay, not say it was great. After school came the suay part. I went home to take my guitar, then after that when I was going to get off the bus at the interchange on the way back to school. Someone stole my wallet. I was like wtf...

I was damn sleepy lah, got NAFA all. Then I sleep awhile, my wallet kena stolen. Then I waited at the interchange for my brother for 30+ minutes (that was damn long). Went to report my lost wallet and get some information from the counter to discontinue my old card. My bro brought along a spare ez-link (Remember, you must at least have one spare ez-link kept at home in times of crisis) and my birth cert, and oh yah, photos.

Then took MRT all the way to Pasir Ris. Actually I never thought I would ever be going there this year but it turns out that today was the fourth time I was there. Anyway, waited damn long for all the mats standing infront of me to replace their ez-link. Then those indian girls behind us playing their mp3 on the handphone damn loudly all. My bro calls them noise polluters, which is true, cause we couldn't hear a word to woman was trying to say when it came to my turn.

Anyway, got my card. Paid 19 dollar for it, when all the way down to Tampinese where I bought my new wallet. Bloody hell my old wallet not even one year sia. I actually wanted to buy back the same, but found a better one instead haha, same brand lah. My bro wanted me to buy the leather one but it was just..... I dunno.... smelly.....

Then, haiya, carry my guitar around here and there. Then came home, rest awhile, went back to church for the bloody easter baptism briefing. Those people were 45 mins late lah WTF! Adults you know, making young people wait for them.

Adults these days ar.....

Anyway didn't brief much lah, lucky joel was there.... then we left at 10.35, I reached home, and here I am!

Mitch Signing off~
You better think once... you better think twice... you better buy phillip, toshiba or sharp,
santa claus is coming to town!

Cracked Wings

2007-04-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

What do I do? What do I do? I feel so..... I can't stand everyday >.<, it's like being alive makes me irritated, I'm not emo or anything but I just feel real cranky like I just woke up after a long sleep or something. My heart feels empty again....

She ain't answering my messages again -.-.... I don't get it! Why? I think it's pretty normal to think alot when a girl doesn't answer messages right? It's like,

Why won't she answer?
What happen?
What did I do this time?
Does she hate me?
Is this a joke?
Why am I bothered by it?

kind of questions keep running through my head causing me to feel irritated, yea, that's it. At least I know it's not the first time it's happening (countless number of times, -.-) but I keep getting the, "something bad is going to happen" feeling.

Why me?
Mitch Signing off~
Gone, going, gone everything gone, give a damn Gone be the birds if they don't wanna sing
Gone people... all awkward with their things, gone. - Blacked Eyed Peas feat. Jack Johnson

Cracked Wings

2007-03-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

Argh!!! It's kinda getting frustrating..... not knowing what to do. It's already march. It's as if fate could only take us so far. I don't even know what she is thinking or how she feels. I can't even think of something to start a conversation.

It's like... it's just gonna end there. Like a game of chess when you have no where else to go. You are being checkmate all the time. It's irritating, I don't want to call it quits. The feelings are still there but she just seem so far away.

If life were a dream it would be so much easier...I'm serious. I just found out one way to dream of someone you like is to serious long for her, think about her all the time. As if it will unlock to a secret scene in a movie. A part which had been cut, or has not been showned yet. If life were a dream I would be with her right now, holding her hand, talking to her or something.

If life were a dream, it would be so easy to discuss how we feel about each other. But now.... i dont even know how to start. Not a single word. Like two highways which just wouldn't join even though they are always close to each other.

If only life was a dream. I don't see how others do it, how fated are they? How different am I from the rest of them? Just because I was brought up a different way, I have to have this fate. What life must I lead.... If life was a dream it would be so simple. Me and her alone, enjoying each others company. Going every where together and promising each other to always be together.

I would be able to show her how great god is. But it is this frustrating moments which differ from what I see in God. It's too difficult, if I were to tell her that God is great even though I can't talk to her I would be lying. Because I'm not even given the gift to speak to her.

The way my heart beats when I see her and think of her, it's too much. I might die if I ever attempt to talk to her. But then in my dream I could. My heart was beating vigorously, but I could. And I just wish I did not wake up. How great it would have been.

I remember my first dream of her. Just one sentence came from her mouth, "I'll give you a second chance". The smile on her face so overwhelming. That was two years ago.

But now I'm stuck again, my body shivers even when I'm just messaging her...... may be I'm sick or something, but there is just so much fear, so much distrust. I'm afraid but I don't want to let go. It feels like I'm at the top of the highest building, I'm afraid but I wouldn't let go.

People in my family seem to be taking things the worst. Worse than any film or series. But we always seem to smile. but deep inside, no one knows the pain. I hate this trait... this ability to hide feelings.

Everytime I'm there, in class, I could hide my feelings so well. As if I didnt know her... but does she take it for real? I don't know. She doesn't seem to look at me either. As if we knew each other in our mind but in all else we are worlds apart. We have each others number in our phones but no one knows.

What kind of relationship is that?

Life is beginning to fall.... or at least..... it's going no where............... it's irritating >.<
Mitch signning off~

Cracked Wings

2007-03-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

Well.... I seem to be putting this blog to pretty good use. Cracked Wings, till now I haven't really explained the meaning of the blog. Well, it is during this times, when I'm lost and when my wings have been cracked so to say, I come back here.

This urge seems to be happening again, like my life had revolved around her once more and I'm starting to see the nice parts about her, and I just cant help wanting. The sorrowful painful feeling is back...

Can't really express it all, but it will be nice if things just get better somehow. Agree on somethings. I'm just where I had been before.

Well.... I wrote this song for guitar club. And it kind of tells alot about what I'm feeling now. How I can see it but I can't reach it. It's definately lovely with the music. But, its for guitar club so I cant post the tune until its recorded. And trust me my voice suck, even though people say its nice... like huh???

I Look At You From A Distance By ME

I look at you from a distance
I want to, try to be with you
I want to struggle on to be with you, but I can't
I want to be close to you
I want to be close to you

I look at you from a distance
I love the clothes that you wear
I love the way that you do the things you do
I love to be close to you
I love to be close to you

I look at you from a distance
I like the times that we spent
I like the feeling of your hands on my own
I like to be close to you
I like to be close to you

Notice I use "I" alot. Well "I" is a strong word and that is exactly what I felt and not some one else so "I" really means me. And anyone who feels the same way will definately "feel" this song.

Thats all for now... chao
Mitch signning off~

Cracked Wings

2007-02-28T20:06:00.000+08:00

Long time since I last posted something here. The last time I checked, it was 8th feb. Well... the other blog seems to be dying, since dexter isn't going to post anything anymore and me and matthias cant really think of anything funny. Well I didn't intend the new blog to be a big hit any way. It was fun while it lasted, but I think I should return to my goal that was.

The new blog was just somewhere else I could go to, another world of my own of which I want to share with others. Where our worries can be put into words and jokes. I wanted to make something which is funny but has an obvious meaning. I learnt alot through this month of blogging. That stuff like these are hard to last. Jokes come and go everyday. One day it is a hit and the next day no one would visit the blog. I also learnt that in order to start a team, an organization of your own, you have to have a group of people who think exactly like you, who sees the same goal as you do.

That of which, up till now I still fail to do. My goals are always different from others in whatever class I go to, whatever society I go to, whatever friends I mix with. My goal seem to always be different.

The pillars of the blog seem to be drifting away and I know I can't hold the blog up by myself, it will definately crumble. Even if it doesn't it would be too lonely a thing to deal with. This too happens in real life. No one would ever want to be left alone, to carry on towards the goal while the rest stays back and not do anything. To have to go on and see the others not carrying about anything is painful and I do not want to ever experience that.

I learnt that making fake news is much easier than trying to spill my guts out about my same old boring life. Or at least for this one month. Being in another body with unlimited imagination. I came up with something like a graph and I realized when I looked at it. Most of posts came from the start but along the middle I couldn't think of anything at all. Then at the end I struggled to make more posts which is no where near as interesting as the first few posts.

I learnt that one should not start something which he doesn't intend to finish. Or do not know what is out there. There are lots of other things I learnt during the 1 month of posting on LSSN. Which I cant remember right now.....

So I shall end here. Bye~
Mitch Signing off
If you want to join me you have to be of my standard, pick up what you already have and learn from me and be greater than me

Cracked Wings

2007-02-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

I hadn't been posting for 4 days, wow. Well everyday seems pretty normal really, nothing much to talk about. Making fun of the same people everyday in class, eating the same food, studying blablabla.... my life isn't interesting. Just full of alot of bad past.

I don't like doing the sad post, so lets cheer up in this one!

I came up with a few new words, all by myself, yes! It is true! This words are meant to describe, emos and nerds lar so here goes:

Emo - Being emotional and temporarily enraged or filled with extreme emotions.

Emoy - Acting like an emo in a certain way.
Emovities - A disease that passes from one person to another, spreads extremely fast in SE-Asia countries.... especially Singapore
Emoing - Being emo
Emode - To be in emo-mode.

Nerd - To be a suck up, elite and smart ass.

Nerdify - To become a nerd through another nerd.
Nerding - Being a nerd
Geek - Another word for Nerd
Geekify - Funkier way to say nerdify

Well that is the list of my new terms. Beware, I shall use them one of these days. Haha, haiyo, dammn sian nothing to talk about. End here lor, chao!

Mitch Signing off~
Why are you not my Valentine? - Parody of Guitar Ensemble new song "Will you be my Valentine?"

Cracked Wings

2007-02-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

I learned many things today. I think, many important things which will stay in my life for a long time. When I was younger, I had already fell in love. But I didn't really know how it worked. Thinking back, it's kinda embarassing. But some of the things I did, had meanings behind. Reasons behind why I let some things happen. What I could gain from it. I think when I was younger, everything I did was to nourish the emptiness I had inside of me. Even though I knew "that girl" would never like me. I filled my mind with thoughts, as if she did.

Even now, sometimes I think that way. And whenever the chance came when she gets closer, I would grab it and never want to let it go. I was so full of myself that I never let her get a chance to like me back. I filled my mind with so much thought that I got confused and in the end it would all become a waste of time.

I wonder why I had not realized it. Love is not one-sided. In fact, I had been telling myself that but I haven't realize how to work it till today. I learn that love begins with trust. Friendship begins with trust. And in order to build on that trust you have to keep questioning. All this time I cared, I kept all the questions in side me without asking so that no one would feel hurt. Pretending as if everything was ok. But I'm just hurting myself.

I need to build trust. Trust in her as much as in God. I think the reason why my relationships are this way, is because of my upbringing. I'm just plainly afraid that my relationship would turn out like my parents. All this time I was afraid. Holding on to the one I love as if it was the most precious jewel. Pretending not to see the cracks and the stain on it.

But even so, my parents seem to be far better of then before. Maybe its because I'm older now. So I guess, love also grows with age.

I'm so filled with problems. I don't know why no one realizes it. May be I'm like my mum, I always had a cool looking face as though everything is alright. But I know it hurts alot. It does.

I just need someone to talk to. Someone I could love. And God had given me someone I couldn't resist. Thanks be to God.

Mitch Signing off~
Trust comes friendship. Friendship into love. Love eternal.

Cracked Wings

2007-02-02T17:42:00.000+08:00

Hmm had been busy with making a new blog, for myself, Dexter and Matthias. Its main purpose is for people to look upon school life in a satirical way. Poking fun at the way students and teachers do things.

Anyway the site looks really cool and I'm pretty sure it would be a hit. Haha, well that doesn't mean I will stop blogging here... I hope.

Well, I'm a little concern about Dexter, cos from my experience he isn't really the type who care about anything. I need to find someone who has great creativity, is not lame, and can come up with something, satirical, funny and yet meaningful. Someone who knows what he is doing and will continue doing it for a long time to come.

My objective is to have the blog just next to Mr Brown and TalkingCock if we can. Since we are exploiting somethig new. School life. But we know we aint going to be in school forever so we have to make this worth it.

Maybe we can work our way and become one of the writers of TalkingCock and get jobs from the lawyers and teachers who are working there.

Everything that I start has an objective. The new blog will be a ticket into instant job offer, I hope, as long as we work hard and continue doing what we do.

Well if you wanna visit the blog, by all means,

http://lssn.blogspot.com

Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-01-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, here is another video post. It's 'World' by Five For Fighting. Really meaningful. I think the message he is trying to bring across is, what are we going to do with our world. And that whatever we wish for has consequences (e.g. global warming, war, famine, greed). Therefore we should be careful, and start making a difference now.

I also found out that Five For Fighting is actually just one guy who composes songs. I just found out. For those of you out there who are reading this, who already know. Curse you for not telling me sooner!!!! Kidding...

Anyway. Nothing to say about today. Except, my english teacher resigned, my chinese teacher is away until next week and my physics teacher can't control the class.

Hope the video works. Enjoy!
Mitch Signing off~
What kind of world do you want? Becareful what you wish for, history starts now...

Cracked Wings

2007-01-30T21:40:00.000+08:00

I didn't really finish my post yesterday but I really wasn't in the mood to blog when I thought about it. Hmm, not much to talk about. Well... Valantine's day is kinda coming. Feel like asking her out again. But, I'm just not used to this. At least not for a very long time. I mean, people may say, what's so hard about asking somewhat out. But, it's kinda hard for me and I dont really know why.

The last time I tried I didn't really get a direct response. Or I didn't really give a direct answer actually. Perhaps this time I can do better.

Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

I feel like I'm returning to square one. Actually every year seems to be a return to square one. Ever since I met her. Every year seems to be a new beginning. Forget about all my noobish mistakes and begin all anew. lol. Well that is kinda like wat she is like anyway.

I also feel like... I shld go out with her. I mean, I knew her since sec 1, but I haven't spoke to her in real yet. She had been more like an internet friend rather than a friend. How could I like somewhat who I only see on Saturdays and don't even speak to? But I wanna like her, that's why I gotta meet up with her, know her better.

Well these kind of thoughts is what fills my mind most of the time. Nothing new to me, its just that... will I be able to find the courage to really ask her before someone else does.

Sorry for boring any of you who reads this. But I think who ever reads tis only reads occasionally so I think no one would read this.... so yeah.... That's all for now.

Mitch Signing off~
Our friends would all make fun of us,
and we'll just laugh along because,
we know that none of them have felt this way - by Plain White T's 'Hey There Delilah'

Cracked Wings

2007-01-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

Hai another day has gone by, it's Monday today. Kinda not in the mood to blog alot.... Well I was, until I heard my mum started shouting angrily over the phone. I haven't really blogged about the darker side of my life yet. And I don't really like the idea of sharing it with others. But I guess in every person's life there is a darker side. And in order to make one even, a friend is needed.

But I think for the past three years I have been living without help, standing on my own two feet, struggling for myself as troubles seem to fall of me relentlessly like rain. Well my mum is still shouting away over some insurance shit.

Well I'll make this short and sweet. Some of my primary school friends may know this, because they are my only true friends. My father, he isn't really a good guy. He doesn't take anything seriously, especially not his kids or his wife. My mum, she's sick and sadly, also bad tempered and she claims she is being protected by God. I have a complicated family so there...

Well my aunty, whom I thought was a good woman, turned bad (My dad's side), my mother seemed to have manipulated me into thinking she is some money hungry tyrant. Well, yah, there is alot of evidence about it but I don't want to bother myself about it.

I'm kinda typing and trying to keep her away from reading this at the same time. Maybe that is how my dad feels. Why does she have to keep talking to me when it has nothing to do with me?? I had already warned my mum it was a bad thing to go buy those insurance shit thing. Bad enough we are running out of money. People still wanna make things worst.

Not like I don't have problems of my own....

Hai blog some other time bah...
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-01-28T18:56:00.000+08:00

I wanted to post this yesterday, but then I was too lazy to do so. So I made up a whole weekend thing. Which consist of Friday, Saturday and today! Smart right?........right...

Anyway, Friday began like any other day, went to school, came back from school. Then at 5 I left for church to meet Dax and the other people who were going to Russell's Chalet. Then When I reached there it was 5.30 lar, and no one was there. Clarence was there, but he was there to serve mass. So I hanged at the foyer all by myself. Then close to 5.45 Joel came. Dax phoned and said he would be late so we could go once Rolf and Rory arrives. Rory only came because Rolf did not want to go. So it was just me, Joel and Rory. Then Rory's mother got a taxi and brought us to Kembagan MRT.

Then we took the MRT all the way to Pasir Ris. It was raining when we were on the train, then I never bring umbrella. Thank God it stopped raining when we arrived in Pasir Ris. Anyway we walked to the interchange. Got on bus 17 then alighted at DownTown East.

We walked passed Wild Wild Wet, which Rory had never seen before (sad case, haha) then we met, Charles, Jonathan, Ian and Marko outside the chalet, but they went to walk around instead so me, Joel and Rory went in and looked for the Block. Then we found out that Dax gave us the wrong room. Luckily Joel called Russell before I knocked on the door sia, or else sure dam pai seh. Anyway it was Block L all the way at the other end of Costa Sand. Then Russell's school friends were there.

Hanged around there, eating the snacks until Russell came back with Charles, Marko, Jonathan and Ian. Oh yah, John was there with them. Then erm, wanted to watch DVD, but cannot cause the Xbox had no DVD something. Anyway that obviously shows that XBox suck lar. I got no game console anyway so why bother, lol...

We ate dinner. The chicken wing and spring role were nice, haha. Then after that a bunch of us played police and theif. Waah damn fun man. The first game was erm, I was theif and the seniors were police. Gabriel, Jonathan, Dax and one more guy. Ar Justin! Then those who were theif I cant remember. Anyway me and Joel went to hide. Then everyone couldn't find. I am the master of hiding!! Anyway I wanted to go and save th ppl in the jail but too bad, I'm not the master of speed, haha.

After teh first game we went back to the chalet, drank some water and went out for the second game. This time all the assistant leaders were police. Me, Joel, Justin and John. Amazingly we owned them haha. I twisted my ankle while walking. Not my fault, the floor was wet. Then we come up with strategy all. I was like walking after Marko and Dax and Justin was hiding behind a building. So they ran towards the building without knowing Justin was there. Haha. Dax got caught but I couldn't chase after Marko.

Then somehow alot more ppl got caught lar, and we ruled!!!! Dominating!!!

Then the last game was pretty fast. I forgot who was police, but I was hiding with Farrell, Joel, Rory and Eldred. Then I saw Dax. We were all hiding upstairs. Then I went down to sacrifice myself lar. I copied Dax and pretended to sms. He didn't see me. I walked towards the jail and no one realized until I got very close. It was like, damn if only they didn't notice.

Wah, that's alot for one day. Nvm, next day!!!

Went for flag day in the morning. At first I wanted to go with Michael. Then Amir came along. Then we found Edmund and we wanted to go as a group. Then Boon Heng and Sherman also came along. Left Michael. So we went ahead first. Took bus number.....10 or 12 to Tampinese. Bloody Green nose told me to go down (Damn convincing lar the voice, haha) I went down and Amir and Boon Heng stupidly went with me. Then Edmund and Sherman were still on the bus. We met up at the 7-eleven op the interchange. Then when we were walking along the Tampinese MRT station. Edmund and Sherman left us behind again, with Amir. So I and Boon Heng went collecting alone.

At first we started asking for collection at the MRT station entrance. But everyone started making detour around us. So we went across the road to TM entrance. Then people started going through the shops instead of the entrance. But of course got people donate lar. Then we went to the place in between TM and Century. Then there were Hougang Sec Sch ppl there. Holding the same cans. I was like WTF, how to earn 20 dollars like that?? If the ppl get the sticker from them first, then we sure wont be able to sell.

Then I came up with my DotA strategy, muahahaha!!!!

It was somewhat like DotA lar, where all the other school students were, were the towers. So we went collecting near them, then they got fedup and walked away. So we DOMINATED their towers haha! Then we went other places around the two buildings. We saw some SAC girls, so we went there and OWNED them haha! They crossed the street. Then we walked to another road junction where other students were there. We were BEYOND GODLIKE!!!!
We dominated the whole of TM and Century. Then we went to attack the interchange area where Hougang students were controlling. We didnt really dominate, but we were WICKED SICK! We went like up and down interchange. Four times and our cans were half full.

Just two of us defeating the other two teams, haha. Then we met Michael, our third player. We added him into our strategy. Boon Heng was like on the left side of the path. Then I was on the left and Michael was in the center so that no one could pass us. Then we started taking the gold from the Creeps (ppl).

We paused game for a while to eat at Century. Then we went to attack again. The TM and Century area were closed by the GM (Security Guard) cause they say we not allowed to ask for donations, bloddy MOFO!!! Anyway I was the most OWNING player of all lar. I defeated all the other school Heroes. And I sold all my stickers. It was like MMMMMEGAKILL!!!!!!!!

Then once our cans were full we took a bus back to sch. Gave our cans and went home. What a morning. IT WAS ONLY MORNING HAHA!!!

Flag Day in DotA format:
Singaporean Citizens - Creeps (10 cents - 1 dollar)
Foreigners, Families, Elderly Citizens - Mega Creeps (2 dollar - 5 dollar)
Other Sch Students - Enemy Heroes
Security Guard - Game Master
Towers - Entrances, Junctions, Interchange
Map - Tampinese Interchange

The second half of the day was church stuff. Had cat class. Finally get to see her for the first time this year. I'm all alone in cat class again, so sad. Mark Cheong have left me!!! SoaB!!! Anyway, Jasline and Daniel were kinda siao, second day of cat class and already scolding like mad man and mad woman.

Supposed to have learn about the Nicene and Apostle creed, but their attitude made me shut off. When did religion become a study thing?? What happened to the learning?

Anyway, I was damn lucky I got to leave early. Darren saved my life!!! HAHA!!! Say what, I got to leave for servers stuff. In the end it was just taking photo.

Had mass, then I came home and that was it for Saturday.

Sunday, which is today, hmmm, did nothing much. Ate Wanton for breakfast cum lunch. I love Wanton!!! Home-made!!! With lots of soy sauce!!!

Did nothing for the rest of today, erm, came up with a song. But I deleted it cos it was too emo. And a poem haha.

You look cute in light colors,
You look cool in black and white.
That doesn't mean you look ugly and black,
And in white I think you're alright.

Nice anot?? It's kinda like erm, a-b-c-b kinda format. I wont say what I'm talking about though.

That's all for today!! And the last two days...
Hope you enjoy my super super long post
Mitch Signing off~
I don't love you, like yesterday... - by My Chemical Romance 'I dont love you'
Actually I love you more today....haha....

Cracked Wings

2007-01-24T20:40:00.000+08:00

Ahar! I have finally redid my blog, again. Well I didn't make that much changes, I shifted the posts to the center just as requested and guess what, it looks great! Anyway this time the blog is suppose to look like a piece of very old paper like a treasure map on a table which is VERY expensive because it's some darkish red wood,lol. Everything looks nice except for the scrollbar. Can't find a way to make it look transparent.

Anyway about today? Hmm, I defeated the DotA AI for the fourth time today, for the first two time I played with Razor of the Scourge and then I played Furion from the Sentinel and then I played Medusa of the Scourge. I realized Medusa is not much different from Razor, except the fact that Medusa is a woman, she is of longer range and she uses an arrow -.-

Well I prefer Razor more, but I think they would work well together lol. Anyway, I spent the rest of my afternoon searching for fonts. As you can see the title is definately not a font you would normally have on your com. And I think if you do not have my font it would not show either.. so too bad!

I got nothing much to talk about today so I shall end here...

I know, very de sian
Mitch Signing off~
Manners maketh a man - abstract from English Textbook.

Cracked Wings

2007-01-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

Been quite a long time since I last post again. Well, its not really I have no time, it's just that I can't really find the heart for posting. Yes, though my post are still as long as they always had been. I can't think of wat to write. My life aint that interesting anyway.

I have been thinking of changing my blogskin. Had some suggestions to put the posts in the center cos its harder to read at the side. I'll try to fix my blog to any suggestion, but I just cant find the time.

I've been doing maths alot, or at least spending alot of my time trying to understand it.

And I wonder, why I didn't have this drive last year or the year before. Why is it I only feel the real pull to study hard now?

It's kinda like a phenomenon really, like as if only of certain age will the chemical in our bodies allow us to concentrate and actually 'study'. But as I said before I hate 'studying' I rather 'learning'

According to wikipedia the difference between studying and learning is that, to study means to acquire knowledge about a given subject, often by memorization or reading. Where as learning is the process of gaining understanding.

Like I told my mum before, I don't like to be pushed to study like what most parents do, I rather be pulled, which means I rather be pulled like a magnet to something that is interesting and not pushed into something that I don't like.

As far as I'm concern that is how I learn. Haha, well to others it may be different, maybe other people fill better to be pushed than to be pulled, but for a person like me, I can only really learn if I am interested in it.

That's all for today
Mitch Signing off~
Hows your day today? - by Mr. Heng (Form Teacher - creator of 'besides' 'mutiply' and 'Thai Baht')

Cracked Wings

2007-01-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

Waah, again so long never post, haha. Well, there were a couple of times I wanted to post stuff but I just couldn't find the heart to do it. So... life had been the same since I last posted, not much stuff going on...hai....

Well recently I had been watching this korean drama show on youtube (quality really sucked so don't bother following in my foot steps). And it was pretty amazing how this show kinda followed my life closely, haha. Well... it's not so much a haha thing... it kinda got me thinking, cos my personality was kinda like the bad guy... but there are still lots of difference so, I shld just stick to wat my heart says.

Anyway I had finished watching the show...kinda, didn't watch the last few eps... Anyway went TS with my mum a few days ago bought a number of shows which I had watched finish also, so ya lah, si beh boring again lor.

Oh yea, on the same day the number of long sleves shirts in my cupboard went up by 3 haha. I like long sleves... comfortable and nice looking. I bought one shirt which was pretty unique cos it had to be seperate wash and there were lots of conditions to follow so as to no spoil the shirt lah, cos they made it look old, haha, but I'm all about the material lar. Then I bought another shirt with an eagle on it and the last one which is plain black.

That's about it for the last post until now.
Every second chance begins with a first step (from step up)
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-01-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today had been another new day, somehow as the days go by a few like it could never get any worst. Everything seems to be going uphill. Right now there is nothing I could worry about, all I need to do is study hard, put as much effort into my subjects as I put into my art.

Well I dont really know what to write about since today wasn't that interesting, it wasn't that boring either but just nothing of which I wanna talk about haha.

The only great thing was that I changed CLB class, haha! I got moved to the express CLB class cos I'm a guai boy, but too bad the teacher is some china teacher, no different than last years teacher. What's the point of joining CLB if the teacher can't speak english?? We need english to understand!!! Not like I don't want to learn. Anyway, Edmund was there I got transfered together with Dexter, Gabel and a few other CLB guys.

That's about it lor... my life is so sian. Oh ya, I found a new way to download songs, or actually not download lah, but I can record songs from Youtube, imeem, radio.blog or anything on the com that plays music in high quality so far I recorded:

My Chemical Romance - I don't love you
My Chemical Romance - The End
My Chemical Romance - Dead!
My Chemical Romance - Cancer
Taking Back Sunday - Liar (Takes one to know one)
Jet - Put your money where your mouth is
Jet - Are you gonna be my girl
Drew Sidora - till' the dawn (Step Up OST)

As you can see I'm slowly becoming a MCR fan haha, well their songs are all nice to hear and addictive and it's been a long times since I heard so many nice songs in one album. Now adays artists usually write one extremely addictive song and the rest suck.

Examples are-

Paris Hilton - Stars are blind
Fergie - London Bridge

And lots more which I can't think of right now cos I dun listen to them...

Wouldn't it be great if we were dead?
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-01-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

Today is... Sunday, pretty boring day. Woke up at 6.15 cos I set my alarm wrong, one hr early, then I went back to sleep and when I woke up I thought I was late but it was only 6.35. So I went back to sleep again. Went to church, served mass. Went to print the AGM forms and then came home. Slack. Then after that went for lunch ate fish soup again...hai... then walked to Kaki Bukit CC to get my Bursary.

I thought surely got no one I know then the first person I saw was Rolf, haha, and Rory... but they were like at the primary sch side so couldn't get to talk to them, their mother so tao... -.-" Anyway, sat there for like, 1 hr?? Listening to the same songs repeating over and over again.

Then the guy came up on the stage to speak to us. He obviously couldn't speak proper english at all, he is a disgrace to the society man!!! He speaks worst than Mr. Brown, and Mr. Brown was faking it! This guy is for real. Anyway the volunteers all dam proud lah, the event suppose to be about us but they end up talking about Grassroot leaders and how long they work there WTH sia! Anyway it was freaking boring, I almost slept a few times until it reached my turn.

Then as I was walking i heard Car-man Tan Xiao Wei, he can't pronounce haha!!! Anyway I was shocked, didn't know got someone else from my pri 6 class get bursary, haha. Anyway went to shake the Shaifal's hand, take picture.

OH YEA!!! The guy pronouced Shaifal as Saifar, super funny and lame man!!! And he couldn't pronounce Rolf's name either, Ker-lu-see-man Lolf HAHAHAHA!!! He came to kaki Bukit CC cos he stay at Chai Chee, didn't know that haha.

Then the fella same my name as Goh Jie Chern, like, huh my english name leh?? Nevermind better not to say....

Anyway, came home, slack again.... do nothing.... went for dinner at 7.30, ate nasi lamak, came home, play guitar.... then blog.

That's about it for today, until next time
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2007-01-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

I've been working hard on the servers blog for a while so for the momment the only time I get to blog is after 12 midnight which means I could only blog the next day. Well it occured to me as I thought once again how hard this year and the following two years will be for me. 5 years in such a school is really 5 years in hell. Then I remembered one of the many things I learned through serving as a server. I learned that as long as you work hard, as long as you put hard into your work, you will not fail.

That is one of the most precious things I have learned as a server and this occured many times in my life without me knowing until now. Since I became a leader I had forgotten this saying. The sentence that gave me wisdom and faith. When I became a leader I felt rocky, like my faith had no meaning as I was overcome with problems in the society, outings, masses. I worked hard at everything that I did and in the end I did not fail though I barely pass. Without remembering that God is there when I work hard, doing all those work became meaningless.

If I remembered correctly that was what drove me to serve better, that was what drove me to serve my weekday mass. Before I actually started serving my weekday mass I always believed that I did not have the time, I just could not do it. But once I started serving, I found that I could if I tried and until now I had been serving my weekday mass.

When I was in primary school I knew I could not pass my chinese, but I tried and I did not fail, my lord did not let me fail something of which I could nvr pass.

In everything I do in life I worked hard at it and I passed, I shld learn to be greatful to God for that...

Well that's about it~
Mitch Signing off

Cracked Wings

2007-01-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

Freedom Writers - Coming Soon

Cracked Wings

2007-01-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

Well, another day just passed me by. Today is the last day of the holidays and also the second day into the new year. Well, I feel relived today. Whatever problems I had last year had somehow or another passed me by just as each day pass me by. This year would be a good year I think, I hope, I have two years to get thing straight from now till O Levels, can't wait haha.

Anyway... I always thought I was good at relationships. Well when I was younger I fell in love, but it seems that the defference between now and then is. When you find out someone likes you, you have no choice but to like back because that is where first love begins. But now, I feel.... like a noob, haha. I dun get anything that is happening now.

The similarities from before and now is that I carry on to believe that God will show the way. In everything God will show the way. If I pass a milestone this way, I wouldn't complain that I wanted to pass that milestone another way. I always believed and somehow I'm still alive. But not many people think this way and they seem to be having a happier life. But what the hack, I can't change my ways.

Even the way I met her (I wouldnt mention her name or she will kill me), was put together by God. People may think this is crazy or 'duh of course is by god, but there is no reason to keep putting him into the picture'. And I always prayed, what ever problems she had that she tells me, I prayed so that things may be ok, I prayed, that she may get to know God better, and that we may somehow get together under God's eyes. Sounds like a child's prayer... I know...

But yesterday, or last night..... or morning actually, I saw God within her... understanding and kind. Just like God, there had only been a handful of people I had seen God within and she was one of them. I was overcome with more than love, I was overcome by God's grace.

Well, this is what I felt... people who read this must think I'm crazy... but, like I said that is what I felt.

God within a girl that I have feelings for, what more can I ask for? Like I said before in past post, I don't think you will be reading this, though there is a slight feeling within my heart, in hope that you do. Only you and God are my pillars of strength, without you or God I will fall. Because God is full of compassion and love and you are full of kindness and understanding.

Cracked Wings

2007-01-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

Finally it's 2007, to be honest I never knew that I could live that long... or since young I used to think the world would end by the year 2000, or that the world would not be the same. I believed that the world would be in chaos, but the fact is, that the world is in chaos, it's just that this chaos had not reach us yet (Us as in Singapore).

But the world is slowly detiorating, turning towards greed and pride more than towards God. I'm not talking about my religion but every religion in the world. Everyone seems to be turning away from the own God. Sometimes I too turn away from God.

2006 had been a tough year, a very tough one indeed and I believe it will go on to be tougher and tougher till we grow old and can't take the suffering anymore. Because that is what the world is, it's a living hell. Or it's becoming a living hell.

Anyway, no matter what is to come, I'll try my best to make the most of the new year. All I have to do now (Since I'm in Sec 3) is aim as high as I can get. As much marks as I can possibly get for exams. All the stuff about getting the right subject for Sec 3 had been settled and all I need to do is strive.

Cracked Wings

2006-12-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it makes me wonder how she does it, how she could make me love her so much, without even seeing me, without even speaking to me...

Cracked Wings

2006-12-29T00:19:00.000+08:00

Well, if you're reading this most likely you have by-passed the password part of this blog one way or another. So I congratulate you for your effort by first, introducing you around the blog.

To the left of the blog, you will find a picture, but it's not just an ordinary picture... it's a.... flash thingy... which works only if you are "flash" supported, haha... okay (In your mind you must be thinking, "ok, this is so lame"...)

Then to the center of the page you find my profile, and pretty much about my life. Er, my name, the year I was born, how old am I...er... things that I'm good at doing, things that I'm passionate about, people that I hate, what I want to do in the future...er... what I believe in, if you scroll down you can find the most important part of the blog and also the most important part of my life *her*, which you most probably wouldn't care about anyway, and you most probably wouldn't know... oh yes... I belive in FREE SPEECH! Much like talkingcock.com and mr.brown.

Ok, moving on, there are...the links, to my friends and all the other stuff. Then there is, um, music... "dead!" by MCR great song, it plays automatically so you don't have to click the play button, you know the one with the arrow on it, yea...

Oh yes about the flash thingy, there are arrows on them too, you can go back and forth using them, you shld seriously go check it out man, it's cool. Anyways beneath the music area we have the tagboard, where I can type to you and you can type to me. And that's about it for the middle section.

Ok to the right of the blog we have CRACKED WINGS, the title for my blog, I mean, every blog has to have a title right, it can't be untitled or else it wouldn't be a blog.

Beneath that you will have, my post.. yeah, and this is what you are reading right now, the post, huuray!! And that's about all there is in my blog, exciting huh??

Well this is my crib man... till next time bye bye...

Oh~ and if you actually bothered reading this, you are amongst a grp of alot of stupid ppl... you're not alone!
Just Kidding!

Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-25T11:50:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!! Enjoy this vid from Youtube... Very meaningful coming from someone of such a young age.

Cracked Wings

2006-12-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

Right now it's 7.03 and there's just about 2 hrs more before I have to leave. The reason why I'm posting now isbecause I wouldn't be able to post again till after 12 midnight. There is just one thing I would like to blog about today. That one thing would be the difference between honor and privillage.

From what I've heard, the leaders are facing this problem currently for the Christmas mass. I had been thinking of this, and I'm getting shivers down my back as I do. Christmas mass had always been an honor. Only the best of the best could serve the christmas mass.

When I was younger, I could not serve the Christmas mass and I had always asked myself why was it so, every year I would try my best to serve as well as I can, without mistakes, but somehow, I wasn't picked to serve the mass. But now six years later I realized the reason why I didn't get to serve was because I didn't serve my weekday masses for the first three years of my server life.

But now we are facing this problem 'honor and privillage', by right Christmas should be an honor, my idea of the perfect server to serve a Christmas mass, is one who could serve properly. One who could apply 110% of his effort into serving the Christmas mass. I know, that would mean that I myself am not honored to serve, and neither will many of the other leaders. To serve a Christmas mass, one must not need to have a good attitude, because if those who do have a good attitude, they wouldn't mind not serving.

But all of the above is what I think, it's not based on the committee way of thinking. But serving the Christmas mass is still an honor it always has, but from tonight onwards it will not always be. Because quite frankly most of the people on the Christmas list do not deserve to serve. Many did not come for the practice. For those who actually did come for the practice, they did not practice well. But to me they can serve, because they had bothered to come. The reason why they came was because they wanted to serve the mass. The effort was made.

If we actually went according to 'Honor' lots of people would be kicked out of the list.

But the problem is, the leaders discussed on Friday that Zack doesn't deserve to serve the Christmas mass, because he does not serve his weekend mass that often and also because Zack did not come fo the practice. But Dax wanted him to serve because he himself was serving. That is the 'privillage' part. Just because you are the brother of someone high up in a society doesn't mean you get a privillage. It doesn't mean you could do it the easy way. From what I heard, Dax said that if Zack doesn't deserve to serve the Christmas mass, Jonathan's brother doesn't deserve either.

But that just isn't right, Whether Jonathan's brother doesn't deserve is up to Jonathan, Joel, Gavin and Darren. Whether Zack could serve was up to me, Dax and Nigel. But then it's not like we could kick Zack out, because in the big picture, if Zack doesn't deserve to serve, that means majority of the people on the list doesn't deserve either.

We should be discussing this during the next leaders meeting, what I'm afraid of is that things will go badly tonight (That's the reason why I'm shivering). But what I believe is that Dax still has the final say, as long as he doesn't do any stupid things.

Blog = Web Log
Log = Taking down notes of a certain "theme"
My theme = My life and what I think about my life
My life = I have the right to lead my own life, so you can't say anything about what I write HAHAHA!!!!
Mitch signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

Today was another long day... all I want to talk about is about leaders meeting, actually I don't feel like writing anything down. But I think anyone who reads this blog are people who I could trust so I will just go with watever I have to do.

Today we had a long discussion of topics, mostly about the future of the society mainly in 2007. About how we were going to get the servers to serve better and know God better. And how we could get the committee members to work together, because every problem and fault begins with the leaders and ends with the leaders.

It was kind of a trashing out session, though many of us weren't there. The was only, myself, Justin, Darren, Russell, Jerome, Timothy, Charles and John. And there were just so many things that were kept inside that I couldn't tell. This morning there was Christmas Practice, I was asked to look out for mistakes, I didn't know what I did was wrong. What I did was point out mistakes, every single mistake they did I pointed out and I told them to do it again, properly, we taught them, we trained them, we scolded them, we talk to them. But they just wouldn't listen.

I felt like shit, seriously, I tried in everyway for these past 10 months everyway possible to get the boys to serve better to get them to know how I felt about their serving standards. I scolded them, I was told it was wrong, I shouldn't scold them that much. Then I talked to them, I was told it was wrong, I should know when it was the right or wrong time to scold. I tried to teach them and be strict with them, I was told it was wrong. I shouldn't be too strict with them.

If I couldn't do any of this then I might as well shut the fuck up and not talk, but that wouldn't make a difference at all. When I was quite for the past six years I have always been told to speak louder, speak louder, speak up. But when I spoke up I am told to shut up...

Maybe I'm not cut out to be a leader, maybe I just don't have the 'x' factor, but I was told if I tried and if I wanted it I could do it, but for the past 10 months, I just couldn't do it. Right now I have absolutely no idea what to do, what to say.

The reason why I wanted to be a server was to know God better, the reason why I became a leader was because my Leader wanted to know God better, and not only that, he wanted his servers to know God better. But why is it I can't do that?

Is it because of time, is it not God's time to work his miracle?

During the camp, I discovered my identity as the son of God...

During the practice and the meeting, I told them that our identity was the son of God, that we were called to serve, the privillage, the majesty, to be allowed onto the altar, to see an image of God no others could see. To join the brotherhood of servers no other ministry could have.

That was what I felt...

But I can't do anything. The servers did not have faith I told them, but quite frankly of everyone in the entire church, I believe I'm the one with the least faith, I'm praying the hardest, I'm trying the hardest, I'm always doing work and trying my best... but nothing good ever comes out of it. Everyone else is able to seat back and relax, believing that the society would get better, but I can't believe that... I feel as if I was never given the chance to mend my mistakes, doing one thing after the other.

Right now I'm lost, I don't know what to do with the servers all I can do is shut up and wait.

Cracked Wings

2006-12-20T19:46:00.000+08:00

Pop Pop, ban item, since... 2000 i think...
My whole set of explosives. Muahahaha!!!

TNT trees, brilliant burst of sparks - like trees!!

My boxes filled with sparklers

that is how much sparklers I have

Whistling sparklers

Well just recently, I had my storeroom cleared of lots of junk. Most of them were keyboards and empty boxes and really really old stuff. It had to be cleared cos our phoneline was dead for a couple of days so in order to get it fix we had to remove all the stuff, so ya, while clearing the stuff my mum found all of the above, haha!! For your info, the "Pop Pops" were band because of the noise they make so it's like, we had a storeroom full of contraband items without even knowing it haha.

So if you live beneath my house or around my house and you start hearing firecrackers going off at night dun blame me, haha.

The recent why I posted all this is also because I haven't been posting up pictures lately, actually I haven't posted up a single picture, lol, so here is like a makeup for all those times...

And also I realize putting pictures into the flash at the (left) is pretty troublesome, so I think I will just upload like, once a month, so the next time you will see an update in the flash is next year, haah, so till then, no new pics.

Anyway, today has been another boring day, I'm not really looking forward towards christmas, because christmas is going to be another 3 days or so, of hell, lots of things to do, haiz........... how I wish there was another of those camp and not need to worry about serving the christmas mass....

I wonder how was last weekend's mass though, haha, I bet no one served, haha

that's all for now,

Mitch signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-20T14:02:00.000+08:00

I just noticed that I didn't post anything yesterday, well actually I had nothing much to talk about, it was only later in the night that I thought of something to post, but, it was kinda too late so, haha, I shall post it now...so ya....

I had just realized, or it just somehow came to me that all catholics are equal, young, old, women, men, priest, single or married. All of us are equal in the church, because God is present and we are all children of God. God uses the priest to speak to us, but that's about it. So there is no real reason to like "this" priest more than "that" priest.

Alot of times this situation had happen. An adult, usually elderly person would knock on the Sacristy door and ask, which priest is celebrating what mass, usually they will ask for Fr Greg cos he's the parish priest and all. But, there is no real reason to ask, cos it's whether God wants to speak to you or not.

Just because it's Fr Fred or Fr Paul doesn't mean God doesn't speak through them. The priest represents God, the lord is our father and we are his sons and daugthers. The lord has no favorites, therefore we should have none.

If you know me well, you most probably will know that I'm talking about my aunty, I mean, she always calls herself pius, and God always answers her prayers, she says all the prayers any saint could ever think of and she goes for mass almost everyday and all the other stuff, "devote" catholic does. But still we are God's children, he has no favorites, it's not because we are better than others that's why our prayers are answered. It's because God has to do things in his own time.

Well I'm only able to derive this situation to such a state only because of the camp, if you use the equation "you are a son/daugther of God" you will be certain of the path that lays ahead.

Mitch Signing off~ For now, lol

Cracked Wings

2006-12-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

Today was another long day, woke up at 10.50 (I know cause I checked the time!) then I wanted to go back to sleep but then at 11 sharp somebody from the house above mine started drilling, it was so freaking irritating, anyway, I got up and was on my com till 12.30 plus, had lunch, ate fish soup with my mum.

Came home, started watching Step Up on Youtube, but it was also damn irritating cos it took damn long to load. So I watched until like part 5 then had to go to church for weekday mass.

It was rainning heavily. Then after that was the penitential service (dunno spell correct anot), met Charles, Ian, Bryan and Timmy, waited for like 1 hr just to say confession, but it was worth it. The air-con was damn cold so Charles went to get the remote, haha, it's good to be a server, got the air-con remote to ourselves.

So now I'm back home, it's still raining and I'm waiting for part 6 of Step Up to load finish, haha....
I noticed I used damn alot in this post, haha, Fr Fred dun like but.... can't stop using it haha....

Byes for now!
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-17T18:03:00.000+08:00

Ok... wah, finally back from camp, haha. At least not so bad as I thought, in fact, not as bad as any of the servers thought la. It wasn't really a camp, it was more like a retreat where we prayed most of the whole camp. It was the first time for me to be in a retreat, never prayed so much in three days in my life, haha...

Wah... pretty tired now, kk, I'll just run through everything quickly and leave the details for some other time lar...

-First Day
Reach at 4.00, met Bryan, Timothy and Charles in church.
When to sacristy to get our saboing materials.
Board the bus at around 5 I think.
We reach the camp site at 5.30 and we had like 30 mins to do nothing, but sit and wait in our dorms for food.
Dinner kinda suck but we told the organizes it was ok, haha.....
Then er... can't remember liao....

We spent alot of time doing nothing lar for the first day.... the second day then we had stuff to do. But in general, the camp was extremely slack.... so anyway, the first day we had our first session, got introduced to the speakers who were going to be with us for the 3 days.

-Second Day
Second day not so bad, woke up at dunno wat time, had breakfast, ate bread with chocolate. It was suppose to be chocolate and banana la, but everyone just took the chocolate.
Then we had another session, this time we learn about how to share and how to pray via scripture. The talk was empowering and so was the hour long prayer we had. The session helped us alot to open up to all the different youth ministries in the church and also to open up to ourselves.
Then after that was lunch
Then soccer...
Then after that we played captains ball cos the Macus guy wanted everyone to join in.
So all of us played even the speakers and Fr Fred, haha
No one gave chance to Father.
After that was...er... session again I think, or is it dinner? It's either lar....

Anyway, after dinner there was another session, this time we had er, it wasn't a mass but it was like adoration lar, we had the monstrance and incense all that.

K, nothing much interesting until at night, lights out was at 1.15 but no one slept yet, all of us was talking or "mingling" with each other's ministry. Then all the servers started our sabo plan. We actually wanted to tie up basile and then bring him to the nuns part of the building lar, but then the organizes kept walking around outside so we couldn't do anything. And also everyone slept except for me and Jerome....

-But on the third day!!!
Basile finally got saboed after all those long days..we tied him up in the morning with the other ministry member's help, we tied his hands and legs. Then tied them together and then we tied his underwear to his hands. Since we couldn't bring him to the nun's place, we wanted to bring him to the girls dorm, but he kept kicking so we let him go, but it was damn fun lar, hahaha...

So in general the most exciting part of the camp was captains ball.
The most meaningful part of the camp were the sessions.
The most fun part of the camp was the SABOING!!!!!
And the most disgusting part of the camp was still the food....

So that's it for now...
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-15T02:01:00.000+08:00

Alright it's 2am right now and it's Friday, I originally wanted to write a post before 12 but I was listening to my mum's long story about here past so I went pass Thursday and now it's Friday, huuray!!!!! Ok... anyway, I shall now blog about yesterday cos right now it's tmr, HAHA!!! Well, I'm not sleepy yet but I guess after this I shall sleep....

Where shall I start??

Ok, I woke up late as usual today, my mum had to go hospital again so I was alone for most of the first half of the day, I made a new flash animation. Well, it's not exactly flash but, it's meant to be like a gallery with a story behind it, hope you guys like it, you can find it at the left of this post :) if you are that stupid...

My mum bought home curry puffs from Polar at SGH. Then after that we went to The new Courts Mega store!!! At around 4, we had to pick my bro up from Temasek Poly anyway so it was like on the way. We spent a 2 hours walking around Courts and we discovered that all the 'Box' TVs had gone EXTINCT!!!! There were no more TVs!!!!!!!!!!! All of them were either LCDs or Plasmas, there wasn't a single normal TV insight, I was like WTH, there weren't even normal monitors, all the staff were using flat screen monitors.

Anyway, we discovered lots of new washing machines, haha. Then after that we went over to IKEA which was just next door to have dinner. Waited extremely long for food, because the line reached all the way to outside the eating area (IMAGINE THAT!!!), finding seats were a problem too, there was one bastard who didn't want to give up his seat.

He was like... he had a plate and there was a piece of spring roll on it, he had a knife and a fork. Guess what he did! He cut a small thin slice of spring roll and walked away. I thought (YES!!! FINALLY A SEAT!!!) but before me and my bro could 'chop' the seat his wife comes say that her husband hasn't finished her food, then she sat there for 15mins starring into blank space.

When the husband came back, he took his time eating his ONE PIECE of spring roll. After that they still did not leave, he slowly took his time to drink his cup of pepsi, not only that the mother forced her daughter to drink all the pepsi even though everyone standing around them and looking at them knew that their daughter couldn't drink it up. That was so entirely F*ked Up man.

Anyway, we had our dinner and we made our way back to Courts where my bro picked a new camera for himself. he had to decide whether to get a small camera with focus and zoom, or a large camera with the same focus but could zoom 2 times better. He took the small one cause he knew he can't go around much with the big one and he thought that if he had the big one, might as well buy those 3k pro camera and go pro...

So after that we got a cab, my bro got invited to go clubbing by a girl for free, me and my mum came home, she told me her long story and vua la, here I am 2.22am, haha...

That's it for now, and I guess I wouldn't be blogging till Sunday, haha

Chao!

Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-13T19:54:00.000+08:00

Well, today wasn't quite interesting. Spent the entire day at home. Recently I'd been reading the Death Note Comic my brother downloaded from the internet, it's very interesting, much like CSI, where the fella would explain everything out in detail, but this time it's the criminal who does all the explanation. Too bad 'L' had to die, now it's not so interesting anymore...

Anyway, I changed the pictures on my blog, hope I will get comments on it, and the old pictures I would soon put them on my Friendster so not to worry. I had lots of free time today so I tried out a few things, I tried putting stuff up on deviantart but I guess I wasn't too cut out for it. I didn't understand the way they catergorize their artwork. I mean, some of the words they use in the catergories I don't understand. So I will just stick to uploading pics in my Friendster Gallery.

I played a few games, I recently gotten back to Soldat, a game which combines Counterstrike, Unreal and lots of other stuff into a 2D arena, where you can choose to fight bots or other players through LAN or ONLINE. Well I still kinda suck at the game...

I ate 2 McSpicy burgers for dinner and a set of McChicken for dinner and I started playing a game called er.... shit I just forgot the name of the game, but it's pretty fun, those detective kinda Flash game.

So anyway, here I am, typing away and still lamenting over the fact that I will be going back to Camp on friday, hai............ at least there is air-con, and there are proper beds to sleep on... I hope.

Mitch
Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

Defination of Love and Like

Like
- Like is a feeling which last momentarily.
- Like is an emotion that gives a sudden surge of belonging and cared for.
- Like is like a virus, which can transfer from one being to another.
- Like follows a list of criteria, of which when one is broken, like is lost.

Love
- Love means the ability to sacrifice one's self for his/her love ones.
- Love means one is able to go through all kinds of troube with the ones he/she love.
- Love last for eternity, even after death.
- Love brings forth eternal happiness, no matter what happens.
- Love is to make a family with his/her love one.

Therefore the only time anyone would be able to love anyone is when he is 20 and above. But that is the defination of love and like made by man. What about the statement 'I love you', it has nothing to do with intercourse, neither does it have to do with making a family.

The last defination of love is what amused me. What do you think? That all these time you have told your love ones that you love them, it actually just meant that you like them?

But if you think of it, love really begins after marriage, to sacrifice one's self, to go through thick and thin and love that could last forever even after death. Before marriage, could anyone think of that? Could anyone think of something to that extent, to love even after death, even into our new life. Well that would be amazing.

But for now it would be better to stick to 'like'. A conditional love, why? Because once you marry someone with an impossible condition, you are going to have a really hard time for all eternity...

Mitch
Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-12-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

Well this post is kinda an overview from the starting of camp all the way to today, so it's going to be quite a long post, so stay with me XD.

Haven't been blogging for quite a while, I'm still recovering from Servers camp, haha, it was great fun. The best I had in years. Well camp was full of unexpected things. Like, I had to be the facil of 'Jeremiah' for the full 4 days rather than just the first 3 days. But it was good though and I feel that I was lucky I became the facil, haha.

Being a facil was a test of leadership, judging by the 1000 more points my group had than the other groups, I would say I wasn't too bad. But still I had a lot to learn and I seriously had to rethink what I had to do witht he group after the 2nd day to get it right.

I had expected the camp to be a learning experience both for boys and leaders and as expected we did learn a little something, that for the whole society to work together, the leaders have to be the examples. All of us gotta be role models and boys will follow that.

Well camp was last week, now I had just signed up for Youth Camp (THIS FRIDAY) by Fr Fred. I'll be going with the whole group of leaders so at least I won't be going alone. Hope it will be fun...

Anyway, yesterday all the leaders had a leadership trainning session by a lady called Bernie (I think). We learn quite a lot of useful skills like, using 'I WILL' instead of 'I TRY' and how we can find ways to get the boys the serve their weekday mass. We had burgers, pizzas and coke.

So that's about it I think,

Oh yes, if you are wondering how come there is only one post, is because... well I like it that way, and why isn't there a history???

Well let's just say I'd like to keep past as past and present as present, bye~

Oh~ one more thing, I earned 16 dollars for the weddings on Saturday...

Mitch
Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-11-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hah, another new day. Well I was too tired yesterday to blog, so I will do yesterday's and today's post here, haha. Yesterday me and my grp had grp outing which had been planning for, for the past month. THough only eight ppl came, me, Timothy, Michael, Clarence, Barry, Rominico, Nigel and of course our ex-assitant leader Jerome, we still had lots of fun.

The day begun at 8, it started kinda slow, there was only me, Michael and Clarence in church who were early. THen Jerome came and Barry after that. Timothy called up and told us that Rominico was at Nigel's house. So thus began our journey. We took 196 to east coast where we rented bikes 6 dollar per hour, freaking ex to me lar, anyway, after that we ate at macs. We were early so we the breakfast meal. After that we played bowling, I didn't bowl, cos... I sucked, haha. THen we went to the arcade part of Marine Bowl and played a few games. MY DRIVING SKILL ROCKS!!! Then we went to watch Casino Royale. Bloody hell every person James met died la, so lame, die die die die, all die. THen we played somemore arcade at e-zone right outside the cinema then we went James house for dinner and more movies. Watched army daze and dum and dumber...

Didn't get to take much pics sadly, only one grp foto without Michael in it.

Ok, about today, nothing much, stayed at home, watched TV, I finally got my school books, that's all, haha. What a boring day...

Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-11-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

Today has been another long day, woke up at around 11 in the morning so at least not so bad lar, slept early at 12 something cos I had not been sleeping my usual time the past week cos of camp. Hai... if every year like that damn jia lat sia. Next Monday going to be camp already even more stress.

Anyway today started off with MOE, Ministry Of Expressions, we did painting this time. Nothing much, just did the usual stuff with what ever theme we like but in the end I still returned to drawing, I can't paint for nuts lah, being a painter is an expenisive job, just like rouges in maplestory, in order to go pro you must have lots of money. I don't have the money to buy so much paint, thus I'm better at drawing.

Then after that, I just lazed around in church. The only exciting thing about today was youth mass. Though it was boring and there was like 1/20 of the crowd since the first time youth mass began, it was exciting. Mostly because Chander and Branson suddenly came into the sacristy saying got people not catholic taking the host, haha. The fella was like damn emo lar, then he didn't eat the host then some ppl thought he was anti-christ, haha.

Anyway, after that hung around in church, ate hotdog and pizza, learn how to play a few christian songs on the guitar with Bao. Then came home. Actually I wouldn't mind playing those songs for camp lar, but I scared teh boys dunno, then dun sing. Anyway, thank heaven Bao is going to help us for praise and worship!!!!

Cracked Wings

2006-11-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

Wah finally the third post of 'Cracked Wings' haha, I'm deciding whether to number the post or just give different names, but as I have experienced before, I will run out of ideas for names in a week's time.

Anyway, about today. What a freaking long day. Serving practice at 9am, whole grp never come other than Nigel and Barry, and worst still the servers cant even walk properly, wah piang, never knew our standards drop until that low. Anyway after that go Macs to eat than after that go Russell's house with Farrel to plan games. This year camp going to be damn power man! Too bad treasure hunt not going to be at kaki bukit CC anymore :(... Hai, I thought finally people will get to know what my area would be like, I mean, no one have ever seen the place before. Anyway, it's still going to be fun lar.

Then after planning games had to wait at the bustop for half an hour just to get home, then when reach home I only had like 15mins before I have to go eat dinner and go back to church for leader's meeting, what a long day...

Then last but not least, Adoration Mass. Quite refreshing, I feel good that I made the choice to go lar, I mean, recently I haven't been feeling so...er... full of faith as I normally am, because of camp, grp outing, and the shitty serving standards the boys are having now.

So that's it for today, about today and see you tmr where I will be talking about tommorow, chao!

March Of The Broken Hearted!!!!
Mitch Signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-11-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

Hai, now is 2.08 in teh afternoon and I have nothing to do again. Well, actually I re-did my friendster profile, haha, I fount that my about me didn't really suit me so I changed it go have a look if you're bored haha. Anyway, thought going to play dota for the first time in my life yesterday, but too bad had lots of things to plan for camp, so sian. Anyway things seem to be looking better and camp should be good lar, not so bad as I thought.

Now still have to plan for group outing, going East Coast to cycle, haha, so much for group outing.. anyway seems like got not enough money to buy dinner so we're going to crash at our LITs house. Group outing will be fun man!

Now got to go plan wet weather plan, almost forgot about that, weather in november-december season is always hard to predict, I was thinking cycling in the rain with raincoats, that would be fun, better than doing nothing...

Chao
Mitch signing off~

Cracked Wings

2006-11-22T12:44:00.000+08:00

Well, I finally decided to make a new blog for myself because... I've got nothing better to do, HAHA!! Well, this blog is kind of an achievment since everything you see here is made by me, yeah!!! Anyways, this is the first time I'm making a proper blog since all my other blogs had been about politics, life, poems, drawings, I thought..hey! Why don't I make a blog for myself, so here I am, another blog after 2 days of hard work and less than a minute of planning... hope you guys like it...

I woke up earlier than usual today, probably because I had this blog in my mind the whole night so I woke up at around 10 am?? I usually wake up at 1 or 2 in the afternoon..haha, so yah, very early for me. Anyway later going to church to plan for camp and dota after that I think... I suck at that game, actually I never even played it before, haha, so see how lor.

That's it for now...
Mitch signing off~ Chao

Cracked Wings

2006-11-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Yo.... is it really ok?...
...What is?
For us to be together like that?...

The answer, the answer I had expected, or I was born to expect it seems, that it was not alright, it was not ok. I had been thinking about this question, everytime I think about being with her, what our future may be like. We are friends, though she knows that I love her, how could it go on? It just could not work out in any normal sense. But somehow, there is this thing, this feeling she gives me, which assures me that it would work out, everytime I speak to her...

But still when I don't speak to her, it seems that sense of assurity, is lost. Maybe it's because I can't trust, but am I really the only one in the world which thinks that we can't be friends?? Based on our circustances. She knew that I liked her before we even became friends, it's a little twisted, it's a little confusing, but I can't just forget something like that and move on in life as if she never knew that I liked her. Even now, she does know that I like her, even more, she knows that I love her, yet we are still friends, nothing has changed as I had requested.

Could anyone in the world just simply forget about it? Forget that someone loves you deeply? If I could I would, but in this case I couldn't, I want to find a way... if there is...

But for now, I think, I want to be her friend a little longer, to really experience what it's like being with her, the one of which, I long for....

As of today she knows that I love her, and I have been longing to know whether she loves me too, but... I don't know, I can't choose between friendship or love....

Cracked Wings

2006-11-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

Once again, it happened. The feeling of which I try so hard to explain but still can't find the right words to explain it. Kinda think of it it's been almost two years since I'd begun being fond of her. Her looks, charm, personality, the feeling she gives me, it's just amazing. A feeling that I had never felt before...

Today, I think, I can explain this, after thinking these two years, the feeling I get everytime I think of her, the feeling I get when her name is called in my mind. The feeling all along was, "longing". The sudden silent beat of the heart. My heart stops beating, and my breathing becomes heavier, but there's the feeling of breathlessness. As if something in my heart is missing.

That is when I figured out that my heart had literally stop beating, longing for it to be filled with her breath. Put simply, I was longing for her to except me.

I had received this e-mail a couple of times, a chain letter explaining that someone, somewhere ever night is thinking about you, wanting to kiss you and wanting to be with you. Well, that I can say is true. The longing and the wanting everynight. It happens. At night, when everything else in the world had settled and all you could think of is what will be happening the next day.

The kiss. The one thing passed down from generation to generation which surpasses every kind of aurosal a person could have. The one thing which explains it all to a woman. To me the kiss is where the breath of the one you love enters you, mixes with the feelings within you, reaching your heart and filling you with life giving breath. Filling up your emptiness, your longing....

The kiss to me is an amazing thing, feelings are but a longing for the one you love. And every night, before you sleep, the one thing you would be longing for, the one thing which will appear on your mind, the first time you think of your love one...

Is the kiss.

Cracked Wings

2006-11-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

A wonderful thing, sky. Sometimes I wonder where the sky end and where space begin, the bluish-white sky caused by the rays of sunlight shinning down upon us. The sky, streching from one end of the horizon to the other, holding clouds as big as islands as tall as mountains.

But the sky is something untouchable, only when it rains can we touch the sky, or rather, the sky has come down for us, delivering itself to us so that we may experience the wonder of the sky...

The wind and the rain, the unceasing storms which occur by nature, causing both beauty and destruction, that is the sky.

The mysterious hollow world of which we cannot touch, of which we can only see with our eyes and sometimes hear with our ears, the wind calling us, as it glides from city to city, town to town, country to country.

Something that's everlasting and beautiful, a wonderful thing, sky...

Cracked Wings

2006-10-31T12:16:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to talk about this a long time. Wanting to think about this but I just could not pull myself together to say it. I remember when I was younger and when I thought love was an everlasting thing, I thought about love almost everyday, how great it was...

But even the greatness of love I question, how great is it now that I have seen the true face of love, even so, sometimes I try to make myself believe that I am confused, that love isn't like that, but the world is changing, sadly, everything is changing, love is no more the great and miraculous thing that is god given and true, no, love has turned into something which is trial and can be done with anyone you wish to "love".

If there is anyone reading this I sincerely ask, what is love to you? Because the one great thing I used to feel... is lost...

Cracked Wings

2006-10-30T09:41:00.000+08:00

What is reality? As far as I know everything is practically virtual... however you call it. Reality isn't what it seems. How can reality be reality, when reality is such a bad place to live in. Reality is the real world, yet in the real world so many are suffering, only in the virtual it seems can anyone find peace. Therefore I do not want to associate the real world with reality because it is to painful to see it that way...

How do you differentiate real from fake, when the world is already turning so fake. Where in this world can you find something that is real?

Every corner of a room, every direction you turn, everything seems to be a distorted picture of what it was and not what it really is. Knowing that the world is fake, it's enough to turn us away from reality, but I feel that we must at least try, to search for this reality...

It seems that the only reality is deep within our hearts, the only reality we can stand for is our religion, ourselves, but even so our hearts may be deceived, our religion maybe a lie, we may be lying to ourselves even. So what do we do then?

That is the question I ask....

Cracked Wings

2006-10-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

Emotions... one of those feelings that I can't explain, sadness, anger, happiness, all of them forms of emotions, emotions which explains the way we feel inside, anguish, hate, despair, confusion...loneliness...

But different emotions interact with each other, happiness makes those who are sad feel hope, sadness gives the angry, meaning. A sense that it is not the end of the world. Emotions are interactive, making things for the better or for the worse...

I feel emotions are a key to the inner side of the person and most of the time what emotion the person show is not what he feels, thus his or her inner person is usually the opposite of his or her emotion.

But wouldn't that make the world a lie....

The only real people in the world are those who show their feelings, true people as they are called. Not those people who are sad all the time, crying out for attention, no. The real people in this world are people who bring hope, hope that the world would become true.